Amiss..
I dunno if its stress that comes from the exam, or the so-many events that have happened, I'm feeling so depressed.. The weather just keep on dampened my mood. Sometimes I think I'm just clumsy.. so clumsy that I made a fool of myself in the public. It was on friday, when I was alone at Orchard.. was with my aunt and cousins early on, when they left earlier for an appointment. I just continued walking ard in Orchard. I was hungry, havent had my lunch, and which was then I realized I dun have cash. Tried searching the ATM in far east.. walked two rounds, only to realise that DBS ATM is removed. Fine.. so I decided to walk to Scott's. It was raining again, and guess what, I was wearing the pair of slippers which the soles have worn out. So many times I nearly slipped, and there was a small slope along the pavement. I just heck and slidded down, because its a zebra-crossing. Damn stupid. Went to BK to have a quick lunch, and so I ordered my food, found a seat, and guess what. My drink toppled and spilled all over. Ok I know everyone's looking at me.. I just asked the cashier for another drink and informed him about the spill. Sigh.. I was alone and there was no one that I can turn to. Should have gone home instead, I thought. It's not just one time.. nor twice.. F* you lar, already an adult, and yet still as clumsy.Things just got worse on Saturday. Supposed to enjoy BBQ session with my family. As usual, Parents quarrelled again over small matters. No matter what I would still get involved. At a young age I've already learnt to be quiet instead.. Because no matter how much I argued, its just pointless. Again, it was raining. My mood became so terrible. The moment we reached gram's I just raged out from my dad's car to the house in the rain.. I slipped again because of that F*ing slippers again, and hurt my toe.. Argh.. So frustrated.. to the point that I nearly broke down again. Trying to study, but couldn't. Past events just keep rushing through my mind. For goodness sake, pls don't come and torture me again. Y U KEEP COMING BACK! Again no one I can turn to.. until I spilled everything out to Tengyi.. thx bro for listening. My family just keep carry on their bbq stuffs.. then I just lied on bed.. staring at the ceiling, trying to clear my mind. I think its one of the worse bbq sessions I ever have..
Things keep going against me these days.. Still have exams to go thru.. sigh.. wake up man. I already tanned myself to cover up my gloomy face.. but I guess it failed.. maybe I'm just meant to be anti-social.. Things tat happened already worn off my smile.. I realized something is really amiss in my life.. what is love actually? Am I still not matured enough to experience it? I don't even feel the love from my parents.. nor my bro.. if this go on.. I may become stale one day.... for sure. Maybe it's not the time yet.. or maybe ... ARGH GO BACK TO UR STUDIES! zz.
posted by binz @ 9:55 PM
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