Amiss..
I dunno if its stress that comes from the exam, or the so-many events that have happened, I'm feeling so depressed.. The weather just keep on dampened my mood. Sometimes I think I'm just clumsy.. so clumsy that I made a fool of myself in the public. It was on friday, when I was alone at Orchard.. was with my aunt and cousins early on, when they left earlier for an appointment. I just continued walking ard in Orchard. I was hungry, havent had my lunch, and which was then I realized I dun have cash. Tried searching the ATM in far east.. walked two rounds, only to realise that DBS ATM is removed. Fine.. so I decided to walk to Scott's. It was raining again, and guess what, I was wearing the pair of slippers which the soles have worn out. So many times I nearly slipped, and there was a small slope along the pavement. I just heck and slidded down, because its a zebra-crossing. Damn stupid. Went to BK to have a quick lunch, and so I ordered my food, found a seat, and guess what. My drink toppled and spilled all over. Ok I know everyone's looking at me.. I just asked the cashier for another drink and informed him about the spill. Sigh.. I was alone and there was no one that I can turn to. Should have gone home instead, I thought. It's not just one time.. nor twice.. F* you lar, already an adult, and yet still as clumsy.Things just got worse on Saturday. Supposed to enjoy BBQ session with my family. As usual, Parents quarrelled again over small matters. No matter what I would still get involved. At a young age I've already learnt to be quiet instead.. Because no matter how much I argued, its just pointless. Again, it was raining. My mood became so terrible. The moment we reached gram's I just raged out from my dad's car to the house in the rain.. I slipped again because of that F*ing slippers again, and hurt my toe.. Argh.. So frustrated.. to the point that I nearly broke down again. Trying to study, but couldn't. Past events just keep rushing through my mind. For goodness sake, pls don't come and torture me again. Y U KEEP COMING BACK! Again no one I can turn to.. until I spilled everything out to Tengyi.. thx bro for listening. My family just keep carry on their bbq stuffs.. then I just lied on bed.. staring at the ceiling, trying to clear my mind. I think its one of the worse bbq sessions I ever have..
Things keep going against me these days.. Still have exams to go thru.. sigh.. wake up man. I already tanned myself to cover up my gloomy face.. but I guess it failed.. maybe I'm just meant to be anti-social.. Things tat happened already worn off my smile.. I realized something is really amiss in my life.. what is love actually? Am I still not matured enough to experience it? I don't even feel the love from my parents.. nor my bro.. if this go on.. I may become stale one day.... for sure. Maybe it's not the time yet.. or maybe ... ARGH GO BACK TO UR STUDIES! zz.
1 Comments:
Hey man, something to share : )
Had similar situations like yours; I guess I tell myself this several times to help me alleviate (not fully solve) problems sometimes.
I realised that...
...here I am complaining about my life when a lady just lost her baby to Typhoon Durian
...here I am complaining about a bad show at lido when the man that plays music at the underpass has to do that everyday, holding on to those metallic rounded objects that he can't see called 'coins', making sure that he has enough to go on each day
I guess when theres no ups, theres no downs. I discover that if everyday is a happy day. then there won't be a happy day; it's just the usual one.
Sometimes we need pain to know the true meaning of pleasure. And the good times can't stay forever and thanks to that, so does the bad. I guess change is always there...we can't change the winds, but we can navigate our sails.
And I felt better. I guess I felt contented and thankful. You have those slippers to wear and parents who still stay together to quibble..erm...lucky ya? ha.
Hope it helps a lil. = )
Adrian, Just Me
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